Why eBay is terrible

So, a while back, I decided to play around on eBay. I bought two things, both of which were imitations from ... drumroll, please ...China.

I suppose that was predictable, but I read the item information very closely, and was convinced that if the items were fakes, I had grounds for reimbursement based on the eBay buyer protection information.

After several exchanges with one seller, and a claim filed with eBay, I got a full refund. "eBay has AWESOME customer service," I thought. "Maybe I'll buy stuff more often."

The second item was never marked as paid, so I had to go to PayPal, whose service is crap, as far as I can tell. In order to get a refund I have to have a retailer sign an affidavit which details how we know the item is an imitation. That seems like a long shot, but we shall see.

Anyway, back to eBay. Today I received an email telling warning me that my account is "close to exceeding the limits of one or more of our policies" and that "if a pattern continues, your purchases may no longer be eligible for eBay Buyer Protection, or we may limit or suspend your account."

EXCUSE ME? WHAT? I GET SENT FAKE ITEMS FROM SELLERS WHO PRESENTED THEM AS   LEGITIMATE ITEMS AND YOU'RE THREATENING ME?!

So, being me, I call eBay customer service to let them know just what I think of their threatening email. I am talking to someone who seems fairly nice, if very much dedicated to his script (which consists of countering my calm assessment of the inappropriateness of their email by repeating various portions of the email that has so enraged me) ... AND HE HANGS UP ON ME.

SO NOW I AM VERY ANGRY. I CALL BACK, AND ONCE MORE EXPLAIN THAT I HAVE FILED ONE, YES, ONE CLAIM, WHICH WAS SETTLED TO MY SATISFACTION (ME BEING THE INJURED PARTY IN ALL THIS BECAUSE THE CRAP WAS FAKE) WITH A FULL REFUND, SO WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS EMAIL?!

AND THEN AFTER 20 MINUTES I WAS TRANSFERRED AGAIN. AND WAS DISCONNECTED AGAIN. AND NOW WE COME TO THE MORAL OF THIS STORY, WHICH IS:

NEVER, EVER, USE EBAY.

I think I'll just keep calling them. At this point it's almost getting entertaining, and I've memorized all the menu shortcuts anyway.